Whether you are approaching the end of the calendar year, the end of a school year, or simply the end of a season in your family’s life, it’s important to consider what you want to take with you, yes, but also what you want to leave behind. Examples might include routines you’d like to tweak, parenting battles you want to solve or even mindsets you know aren’t helpful for you as a parent.

Jump into the next stage without these 10 unhelpful end of year perspectives:

10. You have to finish everything every day.

Whether it’s finishing the laundry, completing every single problem in the math assignment or finishing the final question on your weekly Bible study, you have permission to leave it unfinished.

Consider who benefits when you’re stressed about unfinished tasks.

  • Do you get bonus points from your child if all 15 math problems are completed? Or is it more appropriate that your child understands the concepts and has shown mastery?
  • Will your Laundry Fairy tell on you if the laundry isn’t done? (Spoiler Alert: Nope. Chances are that no one will know but you.)
  • If you do three out of the seven Bible study questions but learned deeply from those, who gains if you wait a week (or even skip them until the study is over) to catch up on the remaining questions?

9. Your child’s interest level should be high in all aspects of homeschooling.

Friends, if you’re homeschooling or you’re considering some format of school at home — such as hybrid school) — the short story is that children are children, and they will not love everything you teach. Not every novel will light a fire inside them. Not every subject will grab their attention or call them to the homeschooling table.

That’s okay.

Children learn so much from doing non-preferred tasks. In fact, a recent Harvard study infers a connection between doing childhood chores and career success later in life.

8. If something isn’t working, it must be wrong.

In general, human beings are impatient. There are the rare birds among us who seem to have infinite amounts of patience. But many of us like to throw everything out when one thing isn’t working.

If your child’s math struggle is mounting, you don’t have to start by throwing out the curriculum. That might not be it. Instead, we recommend taking a math evaluation to see what skills he or she may have missed along the way. We don’t recommend abruptly switching to something new because that can actually cause skill gaps if you aren’t deeply familiar with the scope and sequence from year to year.

Not everything that isn’t working needs to be made right. If your chlid’s not doing his homework after school, it isn’t time to ground him or call him to a hard stop on all the favorite activities. But it might be that you work together to find a time that he will be able to do the homework consistently.

Some children are early risers, so morning rhythms are easier for them. Why not switch “homework hour” to the early morning while listening to instrumental music and eating breakfast? Instead of thinking that something is wrong altogether, start by asking, “What about this isn’t working, and why?”

7. You should be able to do everything.

Similar to No. 1, it’s easy to pile more on yourself as your children get older. Perhaps you were great about setting boundaries when they were young. Early childhood development routines tend to help parents of young children naturally.

They need regular naps, snack time, and a bath-and-bed routine.

However, as children grow, you may be tempted to add more opportunities. If your child is interested in scouting and then gets invited to be on the neighborhood swim team, you don’t have to say yes to both. You shouldn’t be able to do everything, and when our children see parents who help them set limits, they tend to pick up this important life skill more than those who don’t.

It’s okay to say no. It’s okay not to do everything.

6. Your feelings and season of life don’t matter, even end of year mindsets.

How you feel about school or this stage of your child’s development do matter. You don’t have to love every stage; that’s allowed. As parents, we put enormous pressure on ourselves to enjoy the moment.

But it’s okay to evaluate the parenting years and enjoy some more than others. It’s also okay to admit it to yourself and then look for ways to find moments of joy in your current season.

If you’ve got a highly emotional toddler, for example, you may not love the early years as you juggle meltdowns and playdates. Instead of telling yourself to just grin and bear it, be kind. Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Look for opportunities and moments of joy, knowing this may not be your favorite season.

5. Your child’s rationale must be incorporated into your decision-making.

This one can be tough. As parents, we are wired to want to please our children. After all, we want them to be happy, right? Of course!

But if their desire contradicts a set of family values or what they think they need differs from what you think they need, it’s okay to remember that you are the parent. You have a much longer span of life from which you’ve learned a few things, and you are an expert on your child.

So when your child wants to switch schools, get a new tutor, or quit ballet mid-year, it’s okay to listen, validate their feelings and concerns, pray about the decision and then make the choice you think is best — even if it differs from their reasoning and rationale.

4. You need to be the teacher.

When you start on the homeschool journey, you may envision yourself teaching all the subjects for as long as your child is homeschooled. But it’s okay to let go of a subject or two — or even, in some cases, traditional homeschool models.

The old ways of thinking about homeschooling aren’t necessarily working anymore, and they don’t need to be held to if they are limiting you, your family or your child. So, if you see that your child learns a subject better or more readily from someone else, it may be best to allow that subject to be taught by another expert. It doesn’t have to take away from your parental right to homeschool, and your child may even learn soft skills that she wouldn’t have learned as quickly without having a different teacher.

These soft skills include speaking to adults with respect, advocating for how they learn best and recognizing that their way isn’t the only way to do something.

3. Your school choice can’t change.

Maybe you don’t homeschool because your local school system has always worked well for everyone. But now, you recognize that your youngest child doesn’t fare as well. Maybe he or she struggles with anxiety or perhaps has a learning need that isn’t being met.

Other realizations may not be based on your learner at all. You might notice that your family needs more downtime, a greater level of schedule flexibility or you want to travel together before your oldest graduates high school.

Any of these reasons may mean changing the school choice you originally made. It is good and right to evaluate what works and what doesn’t work for you and your family at each stage. If your financial situation has changed and you’ve always homeschooled, it might be time to partner with a hybrid school to allow you time to add a part-time job into your schedule.

Other options exist if public or private school isn’t helping your child thrive.

2. You need to be the advocate for your child at all stages.

One of the underlying beliefs we sometimes need help seeing ourselves in is that we are the advocates for our child at all stages, when in fact, it’s not wise to advocate consistently for your child as she gets into high school and beyond. Indeed, by high school, but even in middle school, we recommend students begin to advocate for their own needs.

If they get a grade on the test that they think is too low due to a mistake in grading, they should be the ones to email the teacher and ask for a review. Or if your child needs extra help or wants to get extra credit, he or she can reach out to the teacher and ask for opportunities to learn outside of the regular schedule.

When your child feels like the soccer coach is overlooking him or isn’t sure about a spiritual truth at church, it’s good for him to learn how to share his feelings with the coach and ask the leader questions at church.

We can’t go to college and live our children’s adult lives with them; learning how to share their feelings, opinions and needs in a respectful, healthy way is an essential skill for adulthood.

1. There is an ideal or perfect way to educate my child.

It can be hard to let go of this limiting belief, especially if you’ve been on the same educational path for a while. But the truth is there isn’t a perfect model. Because we are all human beings, educating our children or sending our child to a specific school isn’t always going to be without some adjustments, challenges and hurdles to jump. Your end of year practices last year may not work this year, and you may even need to consider if your overall educational path for one child needs to be different than that of another child.

However, if your child seems to be engaged in the learning process, has a healthy mindset about learning, enjoys friendships that are good for him and your family life is thriving most of the time, you’ve probably chosen well. We won’t tell you that a hybrid school or a homeschool environment is best for every child. Why? Because we don’t believe that.

Not every child will thrive in a unique model; some students learn well and have thriving experiences in a public or private school setting.

The important thing to remember is that no matter what kind of educational path you choose for your family, there is no perfect education. If you’d like to learn more about choosing an education that works well for your family’s needs, we have a FREE downloadable resource called “Time to Make a Change” on our homepage. Learnwell offers a hybrid school option and a homeschooling partnership option. To learn more about our hybrid school, join us at the next Discover Learnwell. You can also request information if you are interested in our homeschooling program.