Grit = Stamina, Passion & Perseverance

Waiting is not something our Western culture does well. So, it makes sense that our students (and their parents, honestly) very likely struggle to wait for things they want. Whether it’s something material such as a car or something abstract like making a friend, we usually want what we want and we want it right now.

That’s the opposite of grit.

Grit is the ability to passionately pursue our longings and goals with stamina; it’s persevering when things don’t work out like we thought they would. Angela Duckworth literally wrote the book on it. Called “Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance,” Duckworth’s book is filled with quantifiable and anecdotal research that tells us one singular story of multiple people.

Success is not determined by talent or intellect alone. In fact, many of the most successful people shared with Duckworth that it was what they thought about when they failed that helped them turn the corner. Essentially, it was their grit — or their ability to persevere when their journey took a turn they didn’t expect or their dreams and goals were much tougher to achieve than they thought they’d be.

In her TED Talk for a group of educators, Duckworth asked, “But what if doing well in school and in life depends on much more than your ability to learn quickly and easily?”

After teaching, Duckworth pursued a psychology degree, always exploring one question:

“Who is successful here and why?”

How Students Display Grit… or Not

“Grit is passionate perseverance for long-term goals,” said Duckworth. She saw it displayed in teachers who didn’t give up when their school environment was challenging. She recognized it in West Point cadets who stuck with the training in extreme hardship. And she is convinced that it’s the difference between a student who is smart and a student who works hard whether it’s difficult or not.

  • Students who tend toward perfection may not display grit without encouragement that is measured, specific and highlights what they’re doing well but also leaves room for more.

An example of a student who tends toward perfection is one who does not attempt new things for fear of failure or one who gives up quickly if something doesn’t come easily. How does a parent encourage this type of student to try again or keep going?

One of the most important things you can do is choose specific feedback. Saying, “Great job” is fine, but it doesn’t encourage your child to try again if they get something wrong or hit a snag. Instead, you might say something like this: “You have worked so hard at finding new vocabulary words to use in your writing; I love that! Next time, you can also add a new verb to one of your sentences.”

  • Students who display grit may not be the most studious at first glance.

We don’t mean to, but at times, parents can categorize their kids. Some are more suited for school settings because they innately enjoy learning new things, and they will happily curl up with a good book. However, if we’re careful to understand the wiring of our children, we can recognize when school doesn’t conjure up warm and fuzzies… and still expect greatness.

Instead of thinking of one child as a “school kid” and another as not, we can remind ourselves that not everyone peaks at the same time.

An example is Nick Skelton, a show jumper. He had competed in more equestrian Olympics than any other Great Britain Olympian by the time he helped the team win gold in 2012 — this in spite of what everyone assumed was a career-ending injury after a fall from his horse in 2000. Then, Skelton came back to win an individual gold in the 2016 Rio Olympics. He was 58.

Not everyone loves reading when they’re young, and not everyone enjoys school. However, encouraging your child to stick with it and work hard now isn’t just about school. It helps him or her develop the stamina they’ll use in all sorts of life’s pursuits.

As parents, we also need to remember that our kids will go through various experiences where they’ll develop grit over time — if we let them. The key phrase is “if we let them.”

One of the most shared attributes of successful entrepreneurs is failure. Almost every person who has started something, be it a business, a nonprofit organization or a service, will tell you that they have failed at some point along the way. Some failures are small and cost little, while others are hugely expensive in the commodity of money, time or resources.

We want our children to experience failure or obstacles before they leave our homes.

When they face difficulty, they learn so many valuable life skills, such as:

** How to solve a problem

** When to ask for help

** How to try again (even if they don’t want to)

** Why doing things we don’t like is common to everyone

** How to recognize their strengths

** How to accept their weaknesses

** Who to approach for wise counsel

** What they can do next even if it’s not perfect

Parent Takeaways for Students Who Struggle to Persevere

One of the biggest things we can do for our kids is to pay attention to them rather than occupy them. Here’s what we mean. Occupying a child means planning activities, coordinating playdates, ensuring he has plenty of hobbies to choose from, and making sure he has friends to fill him up when he needs others.

On the other hand, paying attention to a child means noticing what causes his tank to deplete, recognizing how he handles conflict or non-preferred tasks, and sifting through what she does when bored.

If we are paying attention and focused on learning how our kids are designed, we can help them develop grit in a way that’s unique to their personality and how God made them. For example, a student with ADHD may need a slower growth timeline for grit in some areas, such as personal wellness, routines or hygiene. Waking up at the same time every day, learning how to get ready in a speedy manner, and finding his own rhythm for household chores or homework routines is going to (very likely) take a child with ADHD a little longer than someone who is not wired that way.

But your child with inattentive ADHD may develop grit faster in other ways; for example, if he has to work harder to pay attention during a lecture, he may learn that what helps him is the ability to hold a fidget, write things down (even if he’s not required to take notes) or tap his foot. Children without ADHD may not have to work as hard at paying attention or developing routines. Perhaps they’ll develop grit when they approach an assignment they typically excel at with ease and a last-minute attitude, and the reward is less than what they expected. They may get a lower grade than they think they should have, or they may have missed something important about the assignment because they treated it so casually.

Remembering that our children deserve the ability to learn in the best way they learn is crucial as parents. In her book, “The Let Them Theory,” author Mel Robbins suggests that being willing to let go of what you can’t (or shouldn’t) control is a path to more contentment and peace in your own life. We suggest it also helps children learn what is within their control and what isn’t.

In a couple of our classrooms recently, young students (kindergarten and first grade) presented their research findings to their older peers (sixth and seventh graders) about geology-centered careers. After each student’s presentation, the older students gave specific feedback that related to something the students did well. “You gave detailed information about the tools the paleontologist uses,” said one student. Another added, “I love how colorful your pictures are.”

When students hear encouragement about what they can control, they’re more apt to work hard on variables within their power in the future. Even hearing something they can work on next time, when delivered positively and with compassion, can be a strong motivator for a student who isn’t necessarily wired to “do school” well.

Whether your children are incredibly intrinsically motivated or can benefit from powering through, another vital lesson in the development of grit is that not every task will be fun. Even adults have to learn this when they do mundane administrative tasks such as taxes, budgeting, or paying bills.

The development of grit is a precursor to handling setbacks, and rising from a setback is, according to Duckworth, the strongest predictor of success in just about every field she studied.

At Learnwell, we believe students develop grit gradually as they take on a higher level of responsibility for their education (an intentional part of our program in middle and high school) and develop leadership skills by helping younger peers. Come find out what a Learnwell hybrid education is like at our next parent preview night, Discover Learnwell.

Or if you’ve got a kindergartener through seventh grader and you’d like to homeschool with support, learn more about our Navigator Program, where we partner with parents who educate from home.